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mybestmistake15

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whoa. long time. [22 Jul 2006|05:38pm]
Holy crap. It's been foreverrr since I've updated. And there's nothing to say. Got my heart ripped out again. HA. I'm probably just going to use this for keeping quotes and shit that I like so there's no point in even doing what I'm doing right now..
and we were (2) dreaming

Me = Confused [28 Jul 2005|09:06pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Ok.. So here's the thing.. There is this guy. And I may kinda sorta like him.. The fact that when he talks to me it makes my legs literally shake, it kinda gives it  away.  Plus he has an amazing smile that I melt to. I almost have a feeling he COULD like me.. but I have no idea and I can't get my hopes. And my dogs attacked him and he didn't care, so that's a plus. lol  BUT.. Ok heres the kicker.. I don't even fucking know his goddamn name.. hahaha. Yeah I find it funny in a sick and twisted sort of way.  But that's me.. ya know who needs to know their name...

So anyway.. Now that I like him... I've kinda not been thinking about Tom so much.. I mean I'll always like him. But If a guy can make me feel like this. Then it might mean I'm moving on.. I'm so fucking confused..  And I can't let myself be happy or have any sort of hope that this might work out with this guy because I can guarentee that I will get hurt. He'll be leaving in about 2 weeks and I might not ever see him again. But I would really like something to happen. I need something good in my life. Maybe this could be it..

 

 

and we were (0) dreaming

[20 Jul 2005|07:17pm]

"Razors pain you
Rivers are damp
Acid stain you
Drugs cause cramps
Guns aren't lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful
You might aswell live"

'I know what its like to want die
How it hurts smile
How you try to fit in but you can't
And how you hurt yourself on the outside
To try to kill the thing on the inside'

          -girl,interrupted..

 

and we were (0) dreaming

Scotty doesn't know.. [17 Jul 2005|08:02pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

"just cause you pour syrup on your shit don't make it pancakes"

Now then.. I shall update you on my past experiences. Which mostly will be jsut from today since it was about the most exciting day. let's see.. I learned that you can put a candle in you're ear and burn it so all the hot wax goes into you're ear and does something. I have no idea what but it was interesting. And I learned really discusting medical procedures that happened to Scotty, Kyle, Mac, and Ben when they were little.. Then after that I came home and slept, then took the doggies for a walk, then went back down to camp to meet some people. and now I am here.  woohoo.  And now I'm done because that's about all the excitment I can type for one night. Hope I didn't bore you all to death..

 

 

 

and we were (0) dreaming

I'm lyric whoreing.. deal with it [17 Jul 2005|07:53pm]

"It's hard to look in the mirror these days when everyone has everything you'd rather be."

"Cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues"

Heres to another night alone, cuddling with my sheets instead of you

 


lets destroy each other cause were too cool
for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine
smoke me baby like your last cigarette and
whisper to me say youll never forget could
you break my heart a little more? shove my body
up against yours and kiss me like you mean it.

 

 

 

and we were (0) dreaming

Cooler than the other side of the pillow [08 Jul 2005|08:52pm]
[ mood | bored ]

  Did pretty much nothing today.. whew that was difficult.   I decided that I haven't listened to Brand New in quite some time so I listened to Deja Entendu for 5 hours straight on repeat. I cried after The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot everytime.. I have no idea why. 

Then tonight Tera, Kelly and Sadie came over and we hung out and made some paper stuff.. Woohoo.  and that's about it..

 

"Often we want to be somewhere other than where we are,or even to be somone other than who we are. We tend to compare ourselves constantly with others and wonder why we are not rich,as intelligent,as simple,as generous,or as saintly as they are. Such comparisons make us feel guilty ashamed,or Jealous...We are unique human beings,each with a call to realize in life what nobody else can,and to realize it in the concrete context of the here and now.We Will never find happiness by trying to figure out wether we are better or worse than others. We are good enough to do what we are called to do.Be Yourself

and we were (1) dreaming

[02 Jul 2005|08:40pm]

I can't get enough

and we were (0) dreaming

[01 Jul 2005|08:44pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

... your scent still lingers on my pillow
thought i had you wrapped around my finger
but you came unwound
as i got spun into your web

and my tear drops glitter in your deceitful strings
in the same sunrise we woke up to
but what hurts me most is to see you go for another prey
cuz i remember driving down the abandoned high way
singing at the top of our lungs


... i want to scream that song we sung .......


i always choke on the line that says "so maybe i should stay"
missing your taste, missing your touch
isnt it obvious ... my face isnt wet from the rain
maybe i should this pain right now
and suffocate in my pillow
that smells of you forever

and we were (0) dreaming

[28 Jun 2005|02:19pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

 Xanga<3 http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Overtly_individual

and we were (0) dreaming

Damnit.. This made me cry.. [25 Jun 2005|08:25pm]
[ mood | sad ]

To the girl who will replace me ...
There are just a couple of things that I thought I should tell you. I learned these while I was the object of your guy's affection. First of all, don't be frightened if he smothers much more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if he treats you much better than any other guy you have ever met. And let it not scare you that he will actually listen carefully to every word you say, even when you're just speaking quietly. Also, you should know that he remembers everything you will say. He's hurt easily, especially by the painful words a careless girl will say. If you do hurt him, then you'll have to pay the price of seeing the broken look in his passionate and deep brown eyes, and watch the light in them fade. But if this happens, all is not lost- a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything. And please, don’t say I love you to him, unless you really mean it, nothing hurts him more then someone who really doesn’t care. Sometimes, he won't tell you what he is feeling, but... just know that he is protecting you and if you ever feel that something isn't right, just look into his beautiful brown eyes and you will be able to see into him. You can see everything he is feeling, everything he is thinking, everything that isn't right with him... He won't ever try to hurt you, because he just isn't that way, so please don't hurt him because if you do, I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than knowing that you have the boy that I love and knowing that you hurt him. You should know that if you two ever get into a fight, just make sure you pick only the ones worth fighting for... He will always keep his temper and will never curse at you or call you names, despite the anger he may be feeling. Though he may act mature, most of the time, once he's given you his heart, he will begin to open up to you and his silliness will make your heart smile, in a way that words can not explain. Don't hold a tight grip on him, let him go and be part of the world and experience new things. You will find that he is a busy guy and that he is so very independent. Sometimes, he will need his space, but don't worry... He'll always make time for you and even when you're not around, you'll be in his thoughts. You will find that he isn't like any other guy that you have met, so please don't take him for granted. When it comes to his money, don't take advantage of that, He will be so unselfish with it, because that is the way he is. Remember, He likes blue better than green, blonds better than brunettes, Republicans better than Democrats, Soft pretzels win over Steak, Kacki over denim, Leather over cloth, and even though he won't admit it, he really does like to be surprised. He is less tough than he may appear, you just have to take the time and let him bring down his guard... He is so sweet and so amazing and know that if you ever leave him, you will break his heart apart, the same way that my heart breaks apart, as I sit here writing this to you. Don't ever try to pull him away from his dreams. He is going to be an extremely successful attorney and won't ever let you give up on your dreams, either. He will encourage you to become everything you can be and will never, ever let you down. He likes it when you kiss his ear and nothing is better than hugging each other. Just watch how your hand will fit perfectly into his and when it does, it seems as if nothing in the world could hurt you, because he is there. And when he puts his arms around you and tells you that you are the girl he loves, you will know, there isn't any guy in the world better than him... Don't ever let him go. You will regret doing so, for the rest of time... I promise, you will.

and we were (0) dreaming

I'm lost without you... [24 Jun 2005|08:16pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

  Oh the joys of summer...       I have effing poison ivy all over my leg.. (don't ask)  It itches like a mofu.   Let's see... I went up to the courthouse on.. oh when was it.. We'll say sometime earlier in the week. And I have to pay $208.50 for my lovely little band bus escapade. So I have to pay $15 or more every two weeks which isn't that much but it will take me till next year to pay it all off.. And then I guess when I'm 18 we can hirer a lawyer to get the thing off my record so it won't be on my job and college application things.. Which is very good.  

And that's about it.. Until my brain starts functioning properly again..

 

 

and we were (0) dreaming

I never thought summer nights could be so lonely..... [21 Jun 2005|08:13pm]

its like that kiss that now is remembered by scars on my wrist...

 

You said you loved my smile. Well, here's every single one of my fucking teeth. You always used to kiss me in the middle of my sentences, to catch me off guard. I've cut out my tongue for you, so you'll never interrupt me again. Remember when you used to run your fingers through my hair, as you looked me in the eyes? I've pulled out every strand and made a foolish, knotted mess for my lovely blue stare. I hope you enjoy the packaging for this little bundle of joy. It's one of a kind, love. I carved it out just for you. Right out of my fucking chest. It might try and beat every now and then. It'll stop if you just drop it. Walk all over it. It's the only way you could make it stop before. Did you catch all that? Need directions? Here, I'll write them out. Could you please hand me the knife that's sticking out of my back? I need to use it to extract the purest ink from my fingertips. Thanks, dear. You can just place it where you found it. Make sure it wont fall out. It's the only thing keeping my spine intact. I've got one last favor to ask of you. Could you be so kind as to shove me off this bridge? I'd do it myself but my eyes have yet to stop pouring saline-polluted blood. I need the salted water to rinse out my gaping wounds. Don't worry. It'll look just like suicide. I'll even write a note, "It's a shame I loved you so." But wait, don't so it just yet. I'll break my wrist right off my hand. Fill the spaces between my fingers, like you always used to. My last gift to you. I'd hold my breath, but it's going to fill my lungs anyways. But hold on tight.

..I'll never let go.

and we were (0) dreaming

[19 Jun 2005|08:22pm]
Bold those that apply...

Cheerleading is NOT a sport.
Snowcones are yummy.

I wish my teeth were whiter.

Being popular is overrated.
Laughter is wonderful.

I can play the piano.
I spend obscene amounts of time on the internet.
I know all the words to "Backstreet's Back" (sadly…)

Cucumbers are better than men.
My hair is shorter than my chin.
I am woman, hear me roar.

I eat gravy on my chicken strips.
Tomatoes are delicious.
So are pickles
.
Music is my life.
Tortilla chips without salsa are considered foreign to me.
I look at myself in the mirror too many times a day.
Too much icing on cake is disgusting.

My name is too old-fashioned.
I have friends who are homosexuals, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Sometimes I get shivers when I hear people sing well.
I've been caught staring at someone before.

Women can't drive.
I'm hungry
.
Ketchup makes everything taste better.
Taking pictures is fun.
Going to school isn't really that bad.
I'm a good little catholic.
I wish I could go back in time and do things differently.
Shaggy hair is gorgeous.
I have straight teeth.

I am a dork.
I have 3 pets.
I overuse the word like.
I miss the backstreet boys.
I wish I was still 4.
I have a boyfriend.

I am single.
I never made out with someone.
I never broke anything on my body.
I don't take crap from people.
I like to take pictures.

I have wings.
I have been to a concert
.
I have a name with 11 letters in it.
I have a nickname that begins with the letter K.
I watch Mad TV.
I have no bedtime.

I have 7 phones.
I have 3 computers.
I like to wear spikes.
I like to sing.
I like the color is yellow.
I like to chew ABC gum.
I can dance as good as spiderman can fly.
I consider myself good looking.
I read at least 100 books a year.
I like to blare music.

I have more than 2 cell phones.
I have never flunked a grade before.

I like the smell of permanent marker.
I am scared of the dark.
I have had 10 or more detentions.
I have a crush on the Math teacher.
My I.Q. is 3.0 or higher …(that would be GPA… haha)
I don't label people.

I go to church.

I would rather burn than drown.
I would rather drown than burn.

I read the book Computers for Dummies.
I don't like country music.
I cried to the "Concrete Angel" music video.
I wear orange eyeshadow. Sometimes..
I have blue lipstick.
I have more than 20 purse.
I could never hurt anyone… I wish I couldn’t…
I have 7 screen names.
There are some things I can write about that I can't talk about.
There are many people that I dislike.
I like living in the present.
I love giving people gifts.
I hate musicals.

I haven't been in any musical performances.
I love cheesecake.

I have a lot of trust issues.

I am not a virgin.
I eat meat.

If it has vodka in it, I'll drink it   ( yes we all now how true that one is..)
I wait too long before I see a doctor.
If I like a movie, I become obsessed with it.
I don't like video games.
I hate competition.
I can take good qualities and learn something from everyone I know.

I can sometimes be very self-conscious.
I don't have tattoos.

I am an independent person.
I think I'm a dork.

I can't keep secrets.
I live in my room.

I don't know what most big words mean.
I know only one person who truly knows me.
I tend to get pissed at people very easily and then get over it very easily.
I love stuffed animals.
I'm afraid of letting everyone down.
I think to a degree, I've been too grown up for years.
I sometimes get upset for no good reason.

It would be nice if I were to be on MTV someday. On Real World…
I went to a public school.

I don't identify with my generation.
I know who I want to marry someday.
I believe there's someone for everyone.
My family is dysfunctional.

I'm scared of the dark.
I'm right handed.
I have really long hair.
I would love to see the world.
I don't get along well with my family.
I'm Wiccan.
I'm really good with kids.
I love to act.

I get withdrawal if I don't have internet access for more than a few days..
I don't know how to drive.
I like having my picture taken.
I know sign language.
(some..)
I don't like rap music.
I never wear makeup.
I have a brother.
I love Spike from Buffy.
I have been to Texas.
I have a hard time keeping in touch with people who are far away.

I love sci-fi.
I would like to get a tattoo some time in my life.
I wish money really did grow on trees.

I don't live with my parents.
I secretly like dressing up.
I have over 50 people on my buddy list.
I enjoy painting.

I don't know anything about cars.
I prefer dogs to cats.
I do not like cold weather one bit.
I hate doing the dishes.

I don't like stupid people.
I know how to sew.

I have brown hair.

and we were (0) dreaming

oh man... [15 Jun 2005|02:57pm]

       Had awesome first days of summer.. Went to Nancy's monday night.. Had a great ass time with Nancy, Shauni, Stevie, Nora, Mare and Rob.  Went swimming in the middle of the night, pissing parties, the "stuff" (thanks to mare and rob), making a fire, Rob in a box,  Nancy falling over the tent and into the tent, getting 0 sleep, Rob staying up with us talking about stupid shit, the damn hallucinations,people passing out, "Food Whore", Mare just being awesome and about a million other things that I don't even remember.. Ohh man it was great.    Gotta do that again soon...  

And I still have yet to get some sleep..

and we were (0) dreaming

[11 Jun 2005|08:35pm]

And another thing.. 

  Congrats to the Class of 2005       

  It won't be the same without you guys. I'll miss you and Good luck with whatever you're doing.

and we were (0) dreaming

Stay awake through summer like we own the heat.. [11 Jun 2005|08:11pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

 The first thing that comes to attention is that it is Summer!  

And now there is only a small amount of time till I am able to see... 

           A guy that I will not put his name on here out of sheer possesiveness. And the fact that most people know already..

 

And now I am just going to babble on about random things that have been bothering me.  First of all as some of you know my grandpa passed away last week. He was a wonderful and will be greatly missed.  I am especially going to miss the hunting expeditions that we had. He would put me on the spot where deer would go, (which some of them did but they were too cute to shoot.)  I was usually near him, and then we would wait. and wait and I would be terrified that they forgot about me or I somehow got lost but then the "drivers" would arrive. And we would all pile in the back of the truck to go on to our next hunting destination.  He was an avid hunter, and the thing that sticks in my mind is the time that he had to go to chemo (he had skin cancer) and the nurse said that he would have Thanksgiving week off but then had to come the next week.  To which he replied but that week is hunting season.  Nurse: yes, so?  Pa: I'll come Thanksgiving.     And so, he had to go to treatment during the week of Thanksgiving but then he got to go hunting the next. Since family comes second to hunting.    Another thing is that no matter what happens he was always positive and determined.  As his grave stone reads  "Thanks It was fun"  

 

 

And thus concludes my babbling for the evening stay tuned for more coming up soon..

 

 

and we were (0) dreaming

[09 Jun 2005|11:23am]

    

 

 

                                                             "Thanks it was fun"

 

and we were (0) dreaming

"Possesion of Alcohol" [01 Jun 2005|01:52pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Whatta memorial day.. I tell ya.. I'll remember this one.. haha   

 5 days suspension, and getting my license will be delayed.. Oh well. I needed a vacation anyway.  I'm not supposed to be on here.. So I'll update later..

and we were (1) dreaming

If I were sand and you were ocean, the moon would be why you pulled to me [27 May 2005|07:30pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

So these tears keep falling I'm drowning in my very own misery. I'm sinking can't you see? Standing neck deep in your ridicule. It's time for both of us, to stand up for what we said we would. You're not one of us. Breathing deeply, the saints and the sinners will see the same white light, and we do not need to be shy that's right, on the best day of our lives. It's time for both of us, to stand up for what we said we would. You're not one of us. And I will get through this, just wait for tomorrow. Just wait for the sunrise. We should not be shy, on the best day of our lives. So what are we good for now? What are we good for then? Well I stood there, not laughing, what could be, never happens. Why wait here and listen to the sounds that remain in question.

                      Another week gone.. only 8 more days of school. I can't wait for summer. Especially I can't wait for work to start.. Oh, It's going to be great this year..   My puppy ate practically a whole box of matches.. I hope he doesn't explode or something. And I spilled nail polish on my carpet.. And my mommy's not going to be too happy about that.  Let's see.. Today nothing exciting happened there was hardly anyone at school. But Nancy, Stevie, Zach, Mare, and Shauni and I are going to Warped Tour!!  

Well.. Seniors are graduating soon, I'm gunna miss them.. It won't be the same next year.  This year went by really fast. It's insane how fast people grow up. But for some reason you have people, that are trying to act more grown up then they should. Just enjoy the age you are now. You'll be older before you know it and you can never go back to being 14/15. You're going to be old all your life. Enjoy life as it is.

 

blue eyes,

I just wanna

get it on with you

 

and we were (0) dreaming

He breaks hearts like the west was won. [23 May 2005|07:59pm]

Had a great day today guys. Soo many memories! We gotta do something again soon!  I love you and Miss you. <33

 

lets destroy each other cause were too cool
for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine
smoke me baby like your last cigarette and
whisper to me say youll never forget could
you break my heart a little more? shove my body
up against yours and kiss me like you mean it.

 

A.K.~ You're my hero.. :)

and we were (0) dreaming

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